Chapter 1

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, Stephanie dipped her fingers into the pot of curl cream and ran her fingers through her hair, tousling her curls so they floated over her shoulders and down her back.  Just the way he liked it.  Turning from the mirror her gaze landed on the dress hanging on the open closet door.

When she had married Mark, she had done the whole big, white, poufy dress complete with an enormous bow just above her butt under which the train bustled. 

But not this time.

No, this dress was the same color as the short, silky robe she was wearing.  The pale, shimmery pink sheath with its floral lace, high neck, no back and frothy chiffon tail/train was the perfect choice for a second wedding and the perfect color to drive her husband-to-be slightly crazy.

Husband.

She never thought she’d go down this road again.  She had been so sure marriage wasn’t in her future that every time Richie had asked she had said no.  Even though she couldn’t imagine being with anyone else at this point in her life, she still held him at bay on the whole getting married idea.  And, bless him, Richie never let her forget the fact that she always said she didn’t want to be with anyone else.  He brought it up every time they quietly and no-so-quietly debated the subject of marriage. 

If you want to be with me and no one else, marry me Sweetheart. 

Or

You keep saying you want to be with me, so why not get married and make it legal?

Pertinent arguments, yes.  But still she had hesitated to go down that road.  Until this last time.  He snuck the baby in there and she was pretty much helpless to say anything but yes. 

You don’t want Lily to be teased or bullied because her mommy and daddy aren’t married do you?

Sneaky bastard.  He had a point, but still.  Lily was only three, not thirteen and had no understanding of what that kind of teasing would even mean. 

Crossing the room, she picked up the picture from the shelf in the corner.  Lily’s cherubic face smiled out at her, her daddy’s dimples charming her from behind the glass.  She had come wailing into the world three years ago and was as perfect as a baby could be.  Her eyes were a rich coffee brown like her father’s and her mouth a perfect pink cupid bow that smiled more than it frowned.  She was her father through and through.  Stephanie traced the baby’s face with her finger.  So sweet was her little angel.

Setting the picture back on the shelf, she ran her hand over her stomach, there hadn’t been any more since Lily and they really hadn’t talked about having any more.  She’d be fine with that.  She had gotten a second chance at being a mom and that was more than she could have ever asked for. 

So, here she was getting ready to marry the only other man she had ever loved and was still second-guessing her decision.  She didn’t understand why.  What is wrong with me?  She picked up the picture of Ben from the shelf.  A wave of melancholy ran through her and she set the picture back down.  Today wasn’t a day for sadness.  Turning she headed for the doors that would take her outside into the warm, California air.

Stepping out onto the balcony, she lifted her face to the gentle breeze.  Her lips moved in a silent conversation.  I’m getting married again.  Never thought it would happen after you Mark, but I love him.  I love him so much I couldn’t keep saying no.  I’m not even really sure why I kept telling him no, but even through all his asking and my saying no, this feels right. 

The sun shifted and lit on her face, bathing it in its warmth.

She sighed, you’ll always be one of the best men I ever knew.  Love you still Mark.  Miss you always.

She turned her attention to the hustle and bustle going on below her.  The patio was a beehive of activity, the drones working tirelessly to set the scene for the early evening nuptials.  Lights were being strung through the trees and all around the patio.  Flowers were in pots, baskets and boxes all around the pool and some even floated in the pool.  Tables were scattered, covered with white cloths and candles; chairs were lined up in neat rows waiting for guests to be seated.

Her baby girl’s shout of “Mama!” had her turning her attention back into the bedroom and wincing as the door nearly bounced off its hinges and the girl came racing into the room as fast as her three-year old legs could carry her.

She rushed across the room and scooped up her nearly naked little ball of energy.  “Baby doll, what are you doing in here in just your princess undies?”  Jess had offered to give the girl a bath and get her dressed for the wedding.  She nosed her way into the girl’s neck and blew a raspberry, earning a shrieking laugh.  “And where’s your Auntie Jess?”

“I’m here,” Jess came hustling into the room.  “The little wiggly worm got away from me.  And for someone so short she’s damn fast.  Sorry.”

Stephanie chuckled and set the squirming toddler on her feet. 

“You bath.”  Lily demanded, pointing her chubby little finger at her mother.

She looked down at the girl, “ah, you want mama to give you a bath?”

Lily nodded her head vigorously, sending her dark curls bouncing.  “Yes!”

“Okay baby girl, go with Auntie Jess and I’ll be right there.”

“’Kay” she turned to start out of the room and looked back, “come on ‘tee.”  Lily’s three-year old mouth couldn’t quite handle the full “Auntie” so all of her Aunties were called simply ‘tee.

Jess smiled at the little girl, “I’m coming.”  She looked back at her sister, “you okay?  Not having second thoughts are you?”  She couldn’t quite read it, but something was a little off with Steph today. 

Steph nodded, “I’m” she started and stopped and, looking at her sister, started again.  “I’m second-guessing myself, wondering why I said yes this time.”

Jess wrapped an arm around Steph’s shoulders and nudged her toward the door, “this time?  You mean he asked you more than once?”

Steph nodded her head, “yep.”

They followed the sound of Lily’s laughter down the hall.  Jess paused outside the bathroom door.  “Just how many times did the man ask you to marry him?”

“I’m not sure I can count that high” Steph answered sheepishly.  They had talked about it with increasing frequency as the days, months, years passed them by.

Jess turned to face her sister.  “Do you love him?”  She wasn’t going to let Steph marry someone, no matter who he was, if she didn’t love the man.  Even if they had made a beautiful child together.

“I do, I really do.”

“So, let me see if I’ve got this right,” Jess ticked off her points on her fingers.  “You live with the man, you love the man and you had a baby with the man.”  She looked Steph right in the eye, “how am I doing so far?”

“Batting a thousand, smart ass.”  She rolled her eyes.

Jess snickered.  “You’ve got all the important stuff covered.  Why does the legalization of your living arrangements scare you so much?”

Steph frowned.  Her sister was right dammit.  For all intents and purposes, they were married.  So, what exactly was the big deal?  She glanced down and her gaze landed on her hands, the pink sapphire engagement ring sparkled on her left hand and on her right were Mark’s and Ben’s rings.  And it finally dawned on her. 

By taking Richie’s name, she was going to lose her last connection to Mark and Ben.  She’d lose the name she had carried around for the last twenty-plus years. 

“I already had to say goodbye much too soon.  I don’t want to forget them too” she said softly before Jess could open the bathroom door.

Jess turned and pulled Steph in for a hug.  “You won’t forget them.  They will always be a part of your past.  But you can’t keep living there or using it as an excuse.  Yes, you said goodbye and it sucked.  I know.  I was there.  But you also forged ahead and lived your life like Mark would have wanted.  Don’t stop now.  If you love Richie as much as you say and I can see that you do, marry the man for god sakes and stop over-thinking everything.”  She released Steph and opened the bathroom door.

“All right dolly, are you ready for splish, splash and taking a bath?”